D A R K   I L L U S T R A T E D   0 8 / 9 8

Welcome to the August 1998 Dark Collection.  Once again, we bring you a
wide variety of artwork to feast your minds upon.  We pride ourselves on
bucking the stereotypical artpack material, opting for diversity of subject
matter over the popularity of any given comic book character.  The flow of
design over the randomness of pretentious "artistic" endeavours.  The
rolls of oily fat over the sleek, toned musculature.

In other words, our priorities are totally fucked up.

Nonetheless, it's important to remember:  Dark Illustrated is a *group*,
not just a label you release under.  And no matter how many of you fake
the "friendly" attitude and "we're strictly for the art" philosophy, you
ignorant motherfuckers better get this straight:

WE ARE:  THE ORIGINALS OF THE ORIGINATORS!

[www.darkillustrated.org: the site-----------------------------------------]

As many of you may know, darkillustrated.org was down for a few months, but
it's back again, and we're labouring to make it better than ever.  Expect
some exciting design and content within the next few months!

[Members, members everywhere, and not a thought to... HEY!  SHUT!----------]

We've discovered a few more blind souls have wandered into the dark, lost
forever to the outside world of harsh light.

After many months (years, possibly) of striving and struggling, ANSI artist
The Chef has finally attained his life-long goal of Dark Illustrated member-
ship.  We welcome him as warmly as our incorporeal forms will allow.

Another ANSI newcomer, Luminous strengthens our ranks, bringing with him
a link to our old friend Alla Xul!

Kleenex also returns from his random wanderings, and Carnifex has found the
time in his busy robotic schedule to drop hardcore ANSI artisticisms on a
largely uninspired scene.  Weord, smoo'.  Refusing to let down the old
school, Cyber-X launches another of *his* monster magicks.

The high resolution department hasn't been ignored either.  Info[E], X-Ray,
and Massive have all signed on to the heavy-hitter squad, and Burnout
has graced this pack with a couple of BLOATESQUE images.

[mistakes were made, feelings were hurt...---------------------------------]

Sincere apologies from the Staff for omitting atom in last month's member-
list!  You have to admit though, with an alias like that, it's easy to slip
through the cracks.  *nyuk nyuk nyuk*

*** oxygene sets mode: +asskick +death +beat staff*!*@*darkillustrated

[dispatch from oxygene-----------------------------------------------------]

as dark illustrated slowly moves in to the future, we've had to shed some
skin.  a difficult decision was made for what used to be a very important
part of any group.  our coding team division has been disolved by the senior
staff, who felt that in the past year nothing serious required the use of
an entire division.  in recent months, most programmers are moving away from
development for dos in favour of windows95 interfaces, but those programs
tend to require more individual manpower and time.

dark illustrated is lucky enough to still have epitaph, oxygene and velkro
all whom are programmers, yet each is currently nested in another division.
think of it as an ironman mode.  when something needs to be done, we'll do
it, but we're also apart of another division at the same time.  it's also
an excellent method to distribute some of our multi-talented group members
to get some experience doing other things.

this is not to say we're going to stop programming things!  au contraire!
reality gave is a quick slap around the head for us to realize we can't
justify a division which has nothing considerable to do.

gone are the days of loaders, viewers and editors.

here come the days of new interfaces, amazing programs, and new innovations
from dark illustrated!

[the jam '98: from east to west, darkill rocks the best--------------------]

Remember we mentionned The Jam in our last pack?  Well, if you're curious
to know what exactly went down, there's a summary (complete with pictures
and out-of-context comments) up at http://www.interlog.com/~xmtrx

A few of our previous meet summaries are also available for browsing.

[when darkies hit the fan, the ceiling collapses---------------------------]

Please keep in mind:  None of these maniacs are on medication.

<PBreaker> It's hard to steer at 130kph when I have baby strollers stuck
under my car.

<PBreaker> I would have taken out my piano wire and strangled those Centrum
Silver-sucking motherfuckers.

<bohner> I wish it was legal to take a small child from the street and beat
the living shit out of him with a garage full of tools, to take
away your frustration.
<bohner> Even a big child... I'm not picky.

<dark_rose> i'm in a depressed and shitty mood...
<---pause--->
<__megaman> Yay!

<Corinth> Away! [ Eating food. (As opposed to rocks and pebbles.) ]

<Tgh> Hey, Penis Breaker. You there?
<PBreaker> Yes.
<Tgh> Oh. I just wanted to see if you were there or not.  I need to ask
something.
<PBreaker> Well, I changed my mind.  I'm not here.

* _4thds throws a ball against the wall
<_4thds> weee!

<PBreaker> What the fuck is this garbage? My dog can draw better than this..
and my dog's dead.

<Epitaph> okay, I've got a question for you americans (atom).
What the hell is national security?
<___zarkon> reason to spend money

* godless is away. Killing inferior life-forms and eating them.

* Epitaph runs back.
<Epitaph> <pant, pant>
<Epitaph> <shirt, shirt>
<Epitaph> <suit, suit>

<Epitaph> Multiplayer Starcraft PB.  He deserves it.
<BensnWong> No :(
<Epitaph> Oh, don't be a bad-accepter of stuff.
<BensnWong> No :(

<sinned> there is no such thing as global warming..

*** Epitaph changes topic to '<oxygene> Stupid mornos.'

<Tgh> Hmm. Let me run over to my neighbour's house and see if they play SC.
<Epitaph> ahaha..
<Epitaph> hopefully they have kali, an internet connection, and the crack.
<Tgh> "Hi. I was wondering if you wanted to play Kali Starcraft with me and
Epitaph." <Door slams.>
<Epitaph> Wear a "The Green Hornet" T-shirt.
<Epitaph> You need to get one of those.
<Epitaph> Get one with a picture of Bruce Lee on it.
<Tgh> I can make buzzing noises too.

<Epitaph> I wish my dog would stop hunting for food morsels and get a job.

* oxygene doesn't know what he's laughing at but continues to laugh.
<Epitaph> That's crazy.
<Epitaph> Stop it.
<Epitaph> I'm going to protest by sticking my finger in my nostril.
* Epitaph sticks his finger in his nostril.
* atom_ pushes epi's finger up hard and fast

<rmaker-> it's scary how much energy I spend trying to be lazy

<rmaker-> when I get the urge to exercise I lie down until it goes away.

<Epitaph> I like drinking lots of coffee every once in a while for fun.
<Epitaph> Then playing drums or something.
<Epitaph> It sucks to be an addict though.
<burnou7> try paint thinner..

<Epitaph> You don't drink paint thinner! You sniff it!
<Epitaph> idiot.

*** burnou7 has quit IRC (Broken pipe)

*** burnou7 (Bohner@shiva3-net209-151-142-ip130.ica.net) has joined #dark
<oxygene> You broke your pipe.  Way to go.
<burnou7> I wish they made it say "I bent my wookie :("

<asoap> cause this is my first time, and I don't want to fuck anything up

[burnout's thunderthigh masterpiece theatre--------------------------------]

She'll have another piece of pie, she'll have a double rubin rye.
She works hard at eating well, that's why I love her.
She's got a couple of pony kegs... her arms are bigger than my legs,
And when she holds me, I can't breath

- that's why I love her.

Yah I'm her butter, she's my bread.
She's like a mobile waterbed... and when I get on top of her,
I can't touch the matress.
And when her flesh begans to sag, she's like a human sleeping bag.

I always know just where she sat... and when she's on me I get flat.
Some broken ribs, a punctured lung

- that's why I love her.

* le_mute sniffs sadly...
<le_mute> that's beautiful man.

[and in the end, the beginning---------------------------------------------]

So long, see you November 1st when the next Dark Collection flattens your
neighbourhood.

-Xypher Matryx, Dark Illustrated's Minister of Propa-Grandeur  [09/01/98]