back in the good old days.. the fidelity was inherent our love for each other never ceased and the penis was in the vagina struggling mightily in it's prison of flesh, orgasm was your plight the fornication releasing your semen and you gasped in delight.. in harmony with your wife both of you collapsing.. in a spent heap of sweat and skin in agony, bedsheets now soiled as you wrapped your arms around each other and spake your words of love no artificiality was involved it was all sincere, no crucifixation was needed and in the space of nine months a fetus would grow in the womb of your beloved your own crawling bag of flesh your own baby boy or girl for you to love and hold with tender loving care, oh, great is TLC - screaming in bittersweet agony your wife asks comfort of you however loud she is demanding you are oblivious to her hold over you but, ah, the strings of love hold us all together do they not? and she breathes heavily, pushing heartily her respiratory system pumping with glee bosom heaving, face contorted and all of a sudden there is a feeble cry.. a baby has been born, now you're fucking high! you collapse once again upon your wife like those nine months ago.. when you fucked her, to her utter delight and you croon, and giggle, and weep all of it bittersweet.. a child has been born, a baby boy.. - throughout the following years you watch your splooge of semen grow into a crawling infant upon the ground soiling diapers by the dozen lingering in forbidden places giggling in ignorant bliss and speaking in unintelligible words all the while crooning your love and joy - crack, snap, blink, blahfuckblah on a weary night in dismal october in a plush chair of old you love dearly reading your books of fantasy and alex cooing at the kitten you've just purchased the sound of a lock reverberates in your head startling you, and you gasp.. whilst you were supposed to be out to granny's house your wife has committed adultery! in she comes with another man! her infidelity astounds you, and you sink into despair yes, depression, confusion, apathy and anger.. all overwhelming you in the hemisphere of one minute you utter the words `hello honey', and quietly walk out as your whore gasps in uncontrollable shock and runs after you, coaxing you, cajoling you attempting to rectify her mistake.. - one month, one week, one day, one hour, one minute all spent within the fetid courtroom.. the custody hearings have finally ended and you have gained the ownership of your son, dear alex no visitation rights bestowed upon your whore.. and you file past her, your apathy has won you over.. as you carry alex past her, and walk out.. - over the solemn years of loneliness you have not found another.. tricia was your beloved, and beloved she still is and a precious whore she's mutated into the seeds of a thousand others defile her vaginal walls of flesh died long ago, in the house of a junkie the heroine fucking her veins with royalty heart ceased pumping, brain ceased funtioning body now rotting, in the graveyard of your choice down to hell and back.. - alex.. our dear baby boy.. has almost suddenly grown into his adolescence so astonishing to your eyes, now that you've come out of your reverie.. as you were sunken into your melancholy, devotedly and the years passed by quickly.. alex had grown into a young man of promise.. and so you educated him.. or so you thought - now in your crotchety and fermented old age now in your so despised late forties.. in your home all day long, closed up, locked up locked out, like the recluse you'd become with your antiquities and memories and your victorian manners, you wallowed in everything in all of your emotions.. depression, your suicidal tendencies lack conviction self-pity, everything that had ever happened was your fault, poor you misanthropy, everything and everyone, such a grand hindrance a thorn in your fucking side, frollicking in their stupidity lies, cheating, deceit, sinking into their grandiose egos and their authoritarianism, the fascism overwhelms you with the greed, and every other fault, you vomited frequently as the nihilism consumed you, and the apathy won again.. - masturbation was boredom to you then, so long... and the sex toys disgusted you, your blemished debauchery at fault the prostitutes gave you S.T.Ds, and you felt filthy and defiled fornication had not much pleasure to give you anymore nothing pleased you anymore leave me alone, all the more - and one fine day, the finest you'd had in quite a while the sun had risen with glory, you had risen in happiness the surprise of it all nearly killing you.. a knock upon your door jars you from your shock the insistent rapping driving you mad lo' and behold! it's alex, in his blatant prime now twenty three, he's a fucking dishevelled junkie the rags adorning his body reek of a foul stench human waste, and body odour of old.. matted hair, twisted into macabre knots of filth and a choppy beard plaguing his hollow face.. eyes sunken into sockets, nose running from the constant sniff.. mouth twisted from numerous clashes with the drug pushers and fingers broken, knarled into hideous stumps of flesh and bone.. - `hi dad' he whispers, barely audible and you gape in astonishment, conflicting emotions plagued you.. shock, pity, empathy, and anger.. combined into a torrent of muddled shit.. `hello son' you gag out, almost weeping in your plight.. `where have you been all of these years, alex?' `here and there, dad.. i need some help.. i'm in some trouble..' and your alert antennae suddenly spark up `some dealers are looking for me.. they want to kill me.' `i tried reasoning with them, and i barely got away..' and you moan, and scream in anguish.. - `haven't you learned anything, son?' `i taught you everything i knew..' `that wasn't enough dad' `there was so much you couldn't teach me' `i had to experience it for myself' `i've had to learn the hard way' `i'm addicted to cocaine and heroine' `and i'm wanted for murder in arizona' `please, help me.. i'm so lost.....' - oh, woe, he has drowned in the same filth as tricia and your heart wrenches with agony crack, snap, blink, blahfuckblah what is this? apathy once again? he's asked you to rescue him, and you turn your back without regret - `son, i have given you all that you need' `and you have abused that with the drugs' `everything i've given you..' `and now you ask me for help..' `after abandoning me for years..' `now it's your turn.' all of this you utter coldy you stare into his frightened and helpless eyes for a moment as the apathy settles gently.. as you turn away, and shut the door, holstering the lock.. alex screaming and weeping outside your door.. you have given him the gift of suicide with your apathy oh, so abandoned the both of you are yes, you can kill yourselves now adieu.