7-11... THE TEXT FILE!!! (by onyx) I just got off one of the more interesting shifts in my all-too-long employment at 7-11. There are 4 kinds of parts in this text. Truth, truth-inspired fiction, absolute fiction, and nonsensical blithering. You will be warned as to which is which. :) *************************************************************************** TRUTH -sunday night, 10 pm. The sun had set on another day, and an unusually quiet shift appeared to be lurking around the corner. A sunday night, it was. I have this THEORY about sunday nights. The drunks that appear on sundays have any of 3 conditions. a: They have no job, so they don't have to worry about a hangover on monday morning, b: They're too STUPID to worry about a hangover, and c: The lack of normal customers makes them feel they can take their time, and generally be a pain in the ass. Jill, a co-worker, a sweet lady, and mother of 2, had just logged onto her till, and at 10:15, it was official. Graveyard was on. The company frowns on the phrase 'graveyard'. I once said to the manager on parting after a graveyard "see ya tomarrow morning, I have graveyard tonight." The district manager was standing around. "Night shift." "huh?" "Nightshift." "yah. kay." I've later found out that they have a new phrase for it. The "sunrise" shift. Upon hearing that, i was incappable of work for well over half an hour, the cramps from laughing were so great. Back on topic. I was marking down the nightly write-offs, when Jill voiced concern over a gas customer. We watched as he calmly got in his car, and drove off without paying. We calmly took down his plate. "the least he could have done was look sneaky as he drove off." *************************************************************************** BLITHERING The 7-11 song! (sing as that army song..) They say that at the 7-e, the pay is mighy fine, I dunno where they heard that from, I haven't seen a dime! Oh I, have had enough of 7-e life, Gee ma, i wanna go home! I've been here for 8 hours, I'll be back in 8 more, If i get up at 3 again, they'll find me on the floor. Oh I, have had enough of 7-e life, Gee ma, i wanna go home! *************************************************************************** TRUTH Sunday night, 11 pm Soon after the gas drive off, a few kids came in. They were around 20 yrs old. I'm not much older, but I call them kids because they just behaved that way. One, I knew was supposed to be kicked out. One day, I was approaching the store after doing an outside task, and saw his standing at the door, yelling various swear phrases. I passed by, and went inside, to where mohan, a fellow employee was tending to a sale. He's a tall east indian guy, tall, skinny, humorous, under a grumpy facade, and with a nearly bronx accent. me: "that guy swearin' at you, mo?" mohan: "yeep." In a monotone voice, still messing with change. me: "ya kicked him out?" mohan: "yeep." Back to the present. The kid and his chums were bein' sneaky as usual, so Jill kept a close eye on them, while i stood at the till. Some friends of mine came in, and we stared chatterin'. Jill finally booted the kids politely. Turns out they'd gotten 3 or so mags anyway, so now we're licenced to kill on them. Kill returned to till, and the topic of troublemakers and such incurred a tale of what had happened earlier that day, at microplay, where my one friend there, ben, works. A pile of teens, say, 16 or so, were in the shop, and I was pestering ben, when 2 employees from the nearby keg resturaunt came in, and started asking the kids all sorts of questions. "are you so-and-so" "yeah, and?" Soon, the two keg employees, whom by now I'd been calling "keg kops" were searching the one kid's backpack, checking his ID out, and so on. The lead keg kop was acting way out of bounds, and musta thought he was hot shit. too much hawaii five - 0 for him. He didn't find what he was looking for, 80 thou worth of keg vouchers, that someone was supposedly selling by that kid's name, but he DID find a pellet gun, and a beer, both of which were ignored by the keg kop. Youth. Shortly after the re-telling of this story, ben and co left the sev. *************************************************************************** TRUTH INSPIRED FICTION OK! now, here's a typical weekend sale in progress: "gimme 4 on the bc." "4 draws, or 4 bux worth?" "huuuhhhh?" "The bc/49 is 50 cents a draw." "what? since when? That must be new, eh?" "erm. No." "alright then, I'll just take $4 worth." "extra?" "no, the plus." "the plus is only in alberta, here, it's the extra." "oh. That's strange. No, then." click click pitta bang. "on second thought, I'll take the extra." "ok!" I think to myself, "now i can get to the rest of that lineup!" "Oh! and can you check these scratchies for me? There's only 10." "...... alrighty...." "...... no winners, ma'am." "oh, I didn't think so, but better to make sure, right?" "... yup....." "And, I had 12.63 in gas on pump number.. uh.. " "4." "HEY JOSH! WHAT PUMP DID HE USE?" <30 second wait> "4!" "4." "yes. I know." "Oh, and hold on a sec while I grab some penny candies, do you have a baggie?" "They're in the aisle, ma'am." "Ok, here we go, uhm, you might want to count it there, I have no idea." "..... 10.... 35.... hmm.. hmm.. erm... " .... " 2.75." "alright, here's my card." "-sigh-... we don't take esso cards..." "what? it's an esso staton out there!" "no, only some 7-11s have esso stations, this is just 7-11 gas." "oh, you take cheques?" "'fraid not." "let me just run to the car." "die.", I think to myself, "diediediediediediedie." "here you go, " she says, bounding in, toppling several of the people in line, who are also thinking "diediediediediedie." "can you break a hundred?" "-sigh-.. I'll take 2 minutes, the safe will only let us take money out every 2 minutes." "ok! I'll wait! Hmm. Maybe I'll grab some chips while I'm here." "how much are these?" ".95 after tax." "and these?" "95. They're all 95. Every single FUCKING one of the little bastards are 95." "okay, add 3 on." "ok" "and how much are your smokes?" "6.05 after tax." "wow! that's a lot!" "sure is. There's a deal for 2 or 4.. 2 cost 10.80, 4 cost 20.32." "Well. I'll just take one." "of what?" "SMOKES!" "what BRAND?" "oh... uhm, players." "light, extra light, medium, smooth, (etc..) " "extra light, in the box." "box? Is that king or regular?" "Let me see them for a sec?" "king." ".............. is that everything ..... ?" "Yeah, got some matches?" "here ya go." "got a Z sticker?" (so my children can have the slurpee coupon, wasting the rest of the sticker..) "all out." (cuz children and drunks just use em for the coupon, and waste the rest of the sticker.) "oh, and a lighter." "ok." "on second thought, take out the smokes." "..... ok..." *************************************************************************** TRUTH 11:30 pm Across the wast expanse that is our parking lot, Jill spies of of our regulars coming. I dunno his name, just as I don't know the names of most of them. I'll call him Eddie. He kinda looks like an eddie. Eddie is an ornary bastard at the best of times. Today, he was pissed. No one likes to deal with eddie. Jill says "oh, I'm going to the back.." and runs off. No big. I've dealt with eddie before, no problem.. so i thought.. He staggers in, falling on the counter for support, then rights himself, barely. eddie: "I've never been thish fucking drunk in my life! I'll take a.. a.. d'moriay light kingshize... I pull one down, and ring it in. "an' a coffee.." I ring in the smallest coffee, just for expedience's sake. He staggers over to the coffee bar while I put some matches on the pack of smokes he left on the counter. One more question avoided, the better. He stares at the coffee for a second. "ahm gonna need a fucking hand here, maan." He had a cup seleced, but didn't trust his motor skills to the pouring. I reached for the fresh pot, but then reconsidered. This fella NEEDS the power of that 8 hour fermented pot. (it is much fun to watch customers try to guess what pot is freshest. I sometimes place them strategicly, to eff them up.) The he points at the flavored creamers. Of course, by now, I'm well fed up with the servant act, but anything to get this guy out. "an' too shugurz." Finally, lid in place, I carry the coffee back to the till for him, and I annouce the price. It would have been 6.96 or so. "shicsh niynee shicsh? Ya godda be kiddin'!" "coffee and smokes? Yah, it adds up." "OYEAH, shmokes!" he them slumps further on the counter. His lifeless arm unrolled onto the counter, revealing one looney, and 2 quarters. "one fifty? erm, the total was 6.96." His eyes opened, and rolled up to meet mine, slowly. "I losht it." I let it pass.. all for the sake of getting him out. I could make it look good in the paperwork. as it was, I did too good of a job on the paperwork, it ended with me about 7 bucks over. anyway.. eddie fails to leave, and mutters: "do yoo love me maan?" First thought: that this was some kind of sarcastic homophobe comment. "uh.. excuse me?" "do ya LOVE me?" "ya GOTTA love me maan, itsh like THISH! A Man t' man thing, shee?" He puts out his hand like that friendship grab thing. Good lord. Well, I don't wanna offend him.. besides, he's potentially gonna go ballistic any second.. he strikes ya like that violent guy offa trainspotting. So I grab his hand, hoping that it would be short, and that his hand wasn't disgusting. It was surprisingly clean; alcohol acts as a sterilizer, i guess. :) "Thish is sholid, maan, thish, ya can't break thish." By now, another regular had entered, and was picking out some gum. I pretended to be watching him, as to make eddie think I was a little busy. He disengaged the hand hold, and started out, after I helped him pick up his smokes. "Love ya, maan." he slurred, only to mutter some profanity at the other customer. The other customer was soon at the front counter, and we exchanged looks about eddie. At that point, eddie was still struggling with the perplexity that we call the door. Not too long after that, the store was in a busy surge, from bars closing. For a sunday bar rush, everyone was unusually sober. Out of nowhere, a large black lab enters the store, takes a quick tour, then come right up behind the tills, and lays down. "uhm... hi. Shoo. Or something." Well, I couldn't resist this ole girl, she looked just like the dog I had. After dealing with the customers, who all had either an idea of what to do with it, or an story on where it came from, I went to check the tag. Of course, murphy, as it turns out, thought this was play. Ok, I had fun. I like dogs, I just can't have one where I live. I sneak a peek at the tag, and copy down the phone number. It was a bit after midnight, so i took the chance of calling the number. I got the machine at first, but someone picked up. "uh, hi.." "hi, are you missing a large black dog?" "hm.. looks that way." "well, she's waiting at the 7-11 at lougheed and laity." "oh geez. Thanks. I'll be right there." I thought It might be better to get murphy outside, but at the time, I didn't know her name, and the usual doggy coaxes wern't working. I went over to the write offs I'd checked off into the book, and pulled out some packaged ham. Peeling back the wrap, I knew murphy's attention was mine. I walked to the front door, and put down a slice. Murphy's nose went down, and immidiatly came back up. The ham was gone. I'd forgotten how fast dogs can eat. I don't think there was any chewing involved. I brought her outside, and one by one, tossed the ham slices into the air, for her to catch. She only missed one. I used to play that a lot with my dog, way back when. When the ham was gone, the only proof that would satisfy murphy was to let her inspect the wrapper, which of course had to be licked clean of any residual flavor. I tried to sneak back in without her, but she wormed her way past. Another canine skill I'd forgotten. But I didn't really care. It looked to the security camera like I tried, but I liked the extra company. On a normal shift, all of this would have been impossible, but like I said at the beginning, it was an unusually quiet shift. I punched in the order for the sandwiches, while talking to murphy, who sat behind the counter, and made the odd dog-yawn noise. Luckily, dogs are short enought not to be seen behind the counter by the camera. Soon enough, a regular showed up, and took murphy home. Owell. The manager would never let me keep her anyway. On such a quiet shift, one notices things one wouldn't normally. Heck, on a normal shift, we worked through an earthquake without noticing it. I had gone outside to check the level of the gas tanks, when I faintly smelt smoke. A thick billow of fog rolled past, looking much like smoke. Coming from the direction of the hospital. I called the non-emergency fire line.. I wasn't sure there WAS a fire, so no 9-11. Turns out they don't accept non-emergency calls at night, so whatever it was, if it WAS on fire, is gone now. Whee! Much later, like 3:30, near the end of my shift, I was coming out of the back room, to see jill hearing out two guys talking.. One was a big guy, shirt unbutooned a bit, gold chain, buzz cut, yer basic bar lizard disco sleeze all american type.. if that made any sence. I'll call him butch. The other was a little old man with an oldworld accent, and a HUGE nose. I'll call him gonzo. There were two vehicles sitting outside. Butch's car was a gun-metal sportscar, real slick, adding to my low opinion of his personality. Gonzo's wheels were a old junker that could probably fit in Butch's pocket. At first, I thought they had an accident. Butch's car had a nice new ding, tho i don't think anyone would be able to tell if any of gonzo's damage was new.. Butch was kinda mad, and was taking down gonzo's info. Turns out poor gonzo was just a WITNESS, whom butch had chased down after the accident! Gonzo.. well, you could tell he didn't wanna get involved, so as soon as butch got on the horn to the fuzz, gonzo took the slip of paper with the info on it, and took off. Butch kinda had a fit, then finished his call. Immidiatly, he went and got a pack of frisks, maybe the most potent mint on the shelves.. He went to wait outside. soon after a cop called. "do you think he was drinking?" I didn't notice any behaviour of the sort, but come to think of it, his aggressiveness, and the mints kinda made ya wonder.. by the time I got off the phone, the first cop car had arrived. By the end, there would be 4. I guess there was nothing else to do.. anyway, butch ends up being charged for impaired driving. The other driver had already called him in. It was the end of my shift, and on the way out, I saw the other driver, and his vehicle. It was an 18 wheeler. He was showing the cops where he was hit. The 2 foot tall bumper had a slight scuff on one corner. Bahaha.. poor stupid butch. Soon, graveyard would be at a close, and all the fun stuff would go away. Status quo and normality would soon rule the sev again, as morning shift approached. *************************************************************************** BLITHERING 'morning shift' 'Twas Saturday morning, and all through the shop, not a brain cell was stirring, not even in shock. That morning had found me, too far before dawn, My all-too-short slumber, was already gone. Alarm set for four, no sleep until two, how could I possibly see the day through? Customers drowsy, lost without clue, looking for coffee, and slurpees so blue. "give me a paper, a player's light too," the customers say, "will a hundred bill do?" Cashout at noon, Mop, but first sweep, one comes around, and them home to sleep. *************************************************************************** ABSOLUTE FICTION - Sunday, er, monday morning, 4 am.. I stepped out of the sev, my trademark trenchcoat keeping me from the morning chill. A thick, thick fog was upon the town. The lights along the road, and on the sev glowed eerily, in concert with the cop cars still around. Butch was now safely snugged into the back of a cop car. I began to walk home, when i heard several shots being fired. I turned back just in time to see one of the cops being tossed across the parking lot. The others were opening fire on the asailant... BUTCH! he's gotten out! but how?!? Soon i saw my answer.. Eddie was back. He was sober, and he had his shotgun. I ran back to the store. "eddie! Watch it with that thing! You'll set off the pumps!" He fired a round in my general direction, but as i was still far off, he missed, rather badly. "eddie! what are you doing! I thought you LOVED me, maan!" "these smakes ya sold me.. did ya think I was STUPID?" "what?" It says right here! These things can cause CANCER! You bastard!!" "but eddie!" he fired off another round, sedning me for tree cover. The cops were busy with Butch. By now, Jill had gotten the manager's M60, and was pelting Butch with lead, but he seemed invulnurable! I used the tree line to get around the side of the store. When eddie came chasing after me, I caught him by surprise around the corner, pelting his face with my work bag. The shotgun dropped, and I nabbed it, clobbering him again with the end of the gun. He was out. Now to take care of Butch. When I got there, the cops were all KO, or worse, and that maniac ogre butch was heading into the store.. Jill! I ran inside. Jill was no where in sight, and butch was standing in the middle of the store, roaring, in his disco might. I took a chance and unloaded a shotgun shell into his back. He whirled around.. "my FAV'rit shirt! Yer gonna DIE!!" Eddie lunged forward, but I jumped over the counter repetedly, and was then behind the counter. I grabbed the keys to the back.. The chain on them! I lept at Butch, aiming the chain around his neck.. BULLSEYE! I yanked and yanked, but to no avail. what kind of monster WAS this? He tossed me off, onto the top rack of the chips. With the new elevation, on top of the racks, I got a few cheap shots on him with kicks, but seeing they were futile, I lept back, and off, narrowly missing his grasp. He then pushed the entire rack over! I jolted back onto the coffee bar, and out of harm's way. Suddenly, we both heard noise from above, and soon, Jill was flying down through the chipboard ceiling with a broomstick, pelting the monster. While he was distracted, I ran to the slurpees, and poured one. I turned around to see Jill getting tossed against the front door. "Hey meanie!" I yelled. Gee, I can be harsh at times. He turned about, and I let him have it with the slurpee. he clutched his face.. "Arrrrrrgggg! Cold!.. so... Cold...! brain... frreeezing...!" Taking my only chance, I dashed to the coffee, and grabbed the fullest pot, tossing the whole kiboodle at Butch. The pot shattered, and while the glass just bounced off, the coffee, capable of 2nd degree burns, was just too much for a slurpee-bathed butch. He staggered about for a few moments before his head exploded, and fell lifelessly to the freshly mopped floor. A moment later, I thought to go check on Jill, and the cops. At the door, stood eddie. "Butch... Butch! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" I guess eddie loved butch too, i dunno. "I had to do it man, he left me no coice.." ".. bastard... BASTARD!! First you try to poison me with these.. 'cigarettes', then you blow up butch's head!! BASSSSSTTTAAAARRRRRRRDDDD!" I picked up the shotgun I aquired from eddie earlier, and primed it. "I'm gonna hafta ask you to leave the store." Eddie lunged at me, so i unloaded more lead into his gut. He staggered, but soon recovered. Dammit. I went for a slurpee, and tossed it at him. It stunned him, but lo! no more coffee! I used this chance to head for the back room. Kicking down the door, i turned, and taunted him. Soon, he was chasing me though the back room, and i came to the dead end, right in front of the ice machine. He lunged again, and I jumped up, hanging on to the mess held above. Eddie flew into the ice machine, and I slammed the door shut, and quickly piled some junk on top of the lid. I ran outside. 2 shells left. I called to Jill and the cops to run. I didn't think they could, until who should appear, but MURPHY the dog! Murphy dragged the incapacitated cops to safety! Good dog! I prayed that the ice machine had got eddie good and cold.. but maybe it won't matter. He soon was outside as well, and began crossing the parking lot, through the gas pumps, to get at me. I unloaded my second last shell at my target. Nothing happened, and he continued towards me. I fired again at my target. The gas pump. ~^#########L ##########L ~^#####L %### ~^#L ## \##L #####L %### ##L #L \## ## ##L # ## \## ## ## ## ##%# ## ## ## %### %##L %#L ##L ## \#L ## #L %#### %####L %## #L ## ## ## ## ####### %# \#L ## \#L ## ## ## ## \##L ## ## ## \#L ## ## ## ### ##L ##L ## ## ## ### %## ### ### ### ##L ## ## ## ### %## ########### #### ##### #### %## ## ~^########### ## ~^### ~^### ## (you knew I had to do it.) The pumps went up in a blaze, a fiery pillar of death before me, incinerating poor eddie. It was the end of my shift. It was a good shift, I had fun. And this way, I KNEW I had a day off. SAUCE00Tales from the Seven-Eleven Onyx MiSTiGRiS 19971024ŪZ