Today I sat upon the stony ground beneath a tall tree and watched  
children play in the sun. Though they were unaware of me, I watched them
climb and dance as I once did. I felt sorrow at what I had lost. The
energy and imaginings of youth. The unbridled dance I had continually
created from moment to moment.
        As I watched and thought, an elderly couple appeared. I watched them
walk close by me and saw that they had spent much time together. Perhaps
thier whole lives. I thought upon my own life as it is and wondered if
I would ever meet that woman for whom I was destined. Wondered if I 
had been destined at all to do anything. I felt sorrow at what future I 
could see, and in despair slept to run from the pain.
        
        Once I opened my eyes again I found I had gone blind. The world
was dark. Soon I discovered that the world had disappeared entirely. I
couldn't stand, for there was no ground upon which to do so. I couldn't
see for there was no light. No sound chose to echo in my ears, nor smell
to tickle my nose. I felt nothing. There simply was nothing to feel.
        As I floated in my new found freedom I let my thoughts wander
over the life of despair I had left behind and smiled. I could never go 
back now. Freedom from those chains of mortality was mine. The glue that 
had stuck me to that body with it's inane desires had finally dissolved.
        These thoughts of freedom were soon intruded upon by soft light.
I couldn't know what to make of it. Something was coming for me. All
I could feel now was fear. Something was coming to take me back to that
horrible place where hunger was omnipotent and wisdom itself was nothing
more than a misunderstood concept. `please, please leave me alone.' I
begged of this new entity in my thoughts, `to you I owe nothing. Let
me be.'
        The voice that answered was no voice. There was no sound to 
accompany the understood idea that had entered my head by itself.
Confusion swept me as a man entered my view. This man was as wild
as I'd ever seen. No clothing hung from his body, nor did any need to.
It was plain that shame didn't exist here.
        He motioned towards me and I was pulled forward with great speed,
but there was no force to be felt. I flew past him, and all I could think
was of an invitation that had come to me.
        `Come', it said, `you are my guest. I have brought you here to
meet someone'. I had no choice. My freedom had once again been stolen,
but now there was no death to look forward to. I could only assume
I had entered some afterlife never thought of on Earth. As I was pushed
into the soft glow, I saw a figure. I cou
ldn't see any kind of face. I
could see where a face should be, but it changed so swiftly. Now a young
man, now an old woman, now a newborn child, now a dusty corpse. Nothing
before or since this has inspired such fear, such agony of emotion.
        The voice I felt from this entity (for I could still hear nothing,
I could only feel ideas. I'm afraid I can't describe this well enough 
to convey what it was I was going through) was a voice of compassion. A
voice of complete understanding. It stated only what needed to be understood.
nothing more, nothing less.
        `Come', I felt, and followed willingly. My fear being replaced
by wonder.
        The soft glow I had earlier seen was emanating from a beautiful
web of light. Strands of looping interwoven light that held me entranced.
        I understood immediately what I was seeing, as though the the 
entire concept of the human race as we understood it was being shown to me 
in a new way. The physical structure of humanity had been replaced by a
new dimension. Space could be the fourth misunderstood dimension here. Time
had become the overlying structure to be seen, felt, perhaps even tasted
and felt. 
        I had no body to be fed, maybe mind was the outer being here and
body was another thing entirely. The physical man had become no more than
a concept to be pondered by the Intellect of this wonderous Changeling
before me.
        My power to describe the things that follow is weak. Please try
to understand that I cannot do this vision justice no matter how I try.
        The being I was now following seemed to be in some control of
this tapestry of light. (Nothing was pulling me now and I found I could
move at will; These are the things I observed.) This being could move
faster than I could possibly have imagined before now. First an old woman
gently nudging a strand into place. Then a young boy tugging violently
at another, trying to change its course. 
        Soon the being came to me. It motioned that I follow, and follow
I did. The things I saw as we flew through the strands fixed my attention
as never before. We whipped through light that was flailing, trying to hold
our course. We followed strands that seemed not to move at all, and I
basked in thier glow. The being seemed to move as if it had done this a 
thousand times before. Never seming to slow or correct its movement as
it led me through the multitude of living, glowing ropes.
        We soon settled near one strand. In one direction, off to the right,
This light didn't move at all. In the other direction, it moved. Only
a little where we were, but farther away it looked like a dervish straining
to escape a binding trap. To be struck by it would mean my total destruction,
or so I was inclined to believe at the time.
        The being settled across the strand from me and spread its ever 
changing arms. `You', I felt. That was all for a short time. I couldn't
hope to understand what it meant, but it didn't answer right away. I
thought quickly about what it could mean, but was as confused as the 
moment I first had entered this place of light.
        The being then dropped one hand. The one pointing towards the 
twisting and flighty end of the strand. `past', I felt, and a glimmer
of understanding brushed my mind. It raised its hand again, simultaneously
dropping the other. `Future'.
        My mind raced with confusion at the things I now knew. How can this
be? I floated, staring at the glowing line of my own life. Looking towards 
the still end I could see that nothing I could think or do could ever change
the place it held. I could see the strand where it had touched others, and 
how thier directions had changed because of it. I saw the places where other  
strands had looped around my own to alter the direction of my life. All the
people I could have touched but missed only by inches. The tangle looked to
me to be impossible to sort out. There were places where it shone brilliantly,
and places where it seemed to dim almost to the point of non-existance. I
could see these were times of intense life and near fatal illness or
disease.
        I looked towards the other end, my future, and the end there would 
tangle itself with others. Then just as quickly unwind and shoot of to 
another direction. I had enough time to wonder who might these strands 
represent that I hadn't yet touched.
        Just then, the being spoke more words than I had yet, or since, 
heard it say.
        It pointed towards my past lifeline, `This doesn't change.' It
then pointed again to the winding future.`Look how it moves. Every thought
changes the path. You have seen storm and chaos, yet know that you have 
seen nothing. You despair at this motionless path, yet it looks like any
other. It is a part of this grand design. Your will cannot change this.
You become a wretch because of a path you cannot predict in the
other direction. Do you not know the only thing that counts is the tapestry?
Begone, now. You cannot know any more than that which you have seen.'
        I hurt to think of the loss of this vision. The being was gone,
however, and I was still in the middle of the woven work of life. I stared
at this bright string that was me. How can I be gone, when I have seen the 
works of the caretaker of life?
        The man who had brought me to the being appeared to me and spoke,
`Come, you are my guest, and you have seen.' At this, I was pulled to the
hole and back to the darkness. Back to the floating nothing in which I had 
first appeared. Once again I could float, but now it wasn't enough. I
new that my lifeline hadn't yet ended, so who was living it now?  

In the blackness I closed my eyes, and opened them to sunlight. 
        The vision was still fresh in my mind, and I hurried to find a 
way to give this to others. How many strands, how many lives can I touch.
Who will change course upon the knowledge I have recieved. One? A hundred?
I cannot know. Perhaps the Being, gently persuading all of us as I have seen
it do, cannot know until it has happened. Perhaps no one will ever know.
        Perhaps, I dreamt only a dream.


        Perhaps.

                                                Jason Cutting
SAUCE00Beginnings and Endings             Hippy               mISTFUNK 1997       19971031<#