AN OFFICIAL BART SIMPSON SURVEY
                     BABIES:  WHERE FROM THEY COME?

Everyone digs cute little babies, right?  But from whence do these 
bite-size bundles of squealing humanoid flesh orginate?  Our 
man-on-the-street, Bartholomew J. (for "jestation) Simpson, put the 
question to some of Springfield's finest.  Here are the answers we got.

MARGE SIMPSON:  "Um...wait `til your father gets home and he'll 
                explain it to you."

HOMER SIMPSON:  "Go ask your mother."

GRAMPA SIMPSON:  "Rabies?!!  Here--put this mustard plaster on your
                 chest and you'll feel better in no time."

JASPER:  "Scabies?!  Dagnabbit, you can tell?!!"
 
BARNEY GUMBEL:  "Oh my God!  Am I pregnant again?!"

MOE:  "Don't worry, Barney.  I'll make an honest man out of you."

GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE:  "Laddie, ask me again and you'll be 
                       conducting yer wee survey from the bottom          
                       of a well."

KRUSTY THE CLOWN:  "Due to the voluminous amount of mail that Krusty 
                   receives, he is unable to answer your question.  Keep 
                   watchin', kids!"

SIDESHOW MEL:  No answer/Honking noises

KENT BROCKMAN:  "Babies?  Babies...let's see...hmmm...why don't you go 
                ask that college intern over there?"

EDNA KRABAPPEL:  "Shiftless husbands give them to their young and nubile 
                 secretaries.  The best years of my life down the toilet and 
                 now he's playing house with that bimbo from the typing 
                 pool.  There, are you satisfied?"

TODD FLANDERS:  "I'm not sure exactly, but you can go to Hell for asking 
                that question."

NELSON MUNTZ:  "From the looks of you I'd say the zoo.  Haw haw!"

SHERRI AND TERRI:  "Duh!  Everybody knows the stork drops them down your 
                   chimney!"

JANEY POWELL:  "I think the milkman brings them."

LEWIS:  "You call up and order one just like a pizza, only it takes nine 
        months for delivery.  But if they deliver it late, the baby's free."

MILHOUSE VAN HOUTEN:  "They're made at the North Pole by happy little 
                      elves." 

RALPH WIGGUM:  "My parents said they got me through a mail-order catalog."

LISA SIMPSON:  "All I know is, you were the result of a biogenetic 
               experiment gone awry.  But Mom and Dad swore me to secrecy, 
               so if you ask them they'll deny it."