Quick Thinker

A customer asked a new clerk in a supermarket if she could buy half a
grapefruit. Not knowing what to do, the clerk excused himself to ask
the manager.  "Some nut out there wants to buy half a grapefruit--" he
began, and suddenly realized that the customer had entered the office
behind him--"and this lovely lady would like to buy the other half."
The manager was impressed with the way the clerk amicably resolved the
problem and they later started chatting. "Where are you from?" asked
the store manager.  "Lancaster, Pennsylvania," replied the clerk, "Home
of ugly women and great hockey teams."  "Oh? My wife is from
Lancaster!" challenged the manager.  Without skipping a beat, the clerk
asked, "What team was she on?"
*****************************************************

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon
quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on
the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. An ambulance just
drove by."  A few moments passed.  "Looks like the Anderson's have company,"
he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Cooper's are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed.  "How do you know that?" the startled father
asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.