iCE iCE iCE iCE iCE iCE █░██   █▒██ ▄▀▄     ▓█░█   ██▄ NFO NFO NFO NFO NFO NFO

M  A  Y        1   9   9   7

1.  April showers  brought May flowers,  that is,  until Joker  came around and
accidentally stepped on all of them.  Oh well.   But we have a great variety of
work  this month  to make up  for it!   We  wanted to call  it the "iCE Flowers
Month" but BoA  said it sounded too gay,  and Dev mentioned something about his
possibly getting deflowered so it became a moot point.

2.  In the "who's new" department, sometimes referred to as the "suckers of the
month club",  we are happy to report  that three new members were welcomed into
the group.   Sucked in by the Frozen Eureka were Farmicus in the UNIX team, and
Wired in the ANSI/members team.  Also dragged in half-dead by the cat (Scooter)
was Beastie, to the ANSI team.  Nobody managed to escape this month, either.

3.  Information Systems director Lickbert never bothered learning to use a real
writing  implement,  so he's been  moved to  'progressive discipline.'   He was
taken there by Jae,  who will be administering the torture.   However, Farmicus
and Force Ten report that many new UNIX tricks will be put in place this month.
They're all a secret, and neither are willing to tell.

4.  Tempus resurfaced to  socialize with the  wing-nuts this month,  but he was
promptly beaten and mugged by Kabal 13.  When told that Tempus was one of iCE's
"oldschool" legends,  Kabal merely shrugged and  said that the bastard was part
of the SSH conspiracy.

5.  In the "iCE criminal  of the month"  department,  Friar Tuck's ugly mug has
been pinned up to the ice.org post office wall.  Tuck, whose car was demolished
recently by a slightly  crazed woman  (Syntax would like  to add that this is a
redundant  definition),  purchased a brand new  '97 black-on-black-on-black  VW
Jetta,  and promptly received two tickets in his first day of driving it.   The
first was a routine speeding ticket,  worth 4 points and quite a few bucks, and
the second  was for  attempting  to bribe the  summons-issuing  officer  with a
donut.   "It was my last Cruller,"  said Friar Tuck,  "you'd <expletive>  think
that'd be worth something!"  The officer declined comment.

6.  iCE would like  to congratulate all of  the members who  graduated  college
this past May.   We would also like to congratulate Syntax Error  and  Vesalius
for  hitting their  'final  stretch' in their  medical  schooling,  and want to
wish them luck on their way to writing the  rest of us prescriptions for Prozac
and Lithium.

7.  Rumours were circulating the Cannes film festival in France saying that the
new sexy actor of the year would be -- iCE's very own Magnetic M!   Starring in
such new movies as "The Teddy Bear Murders" and "Revenge of the Slurp",  Maggie
was the hit of the festival.   Several well-endowed (Syntax would  like to once
again  point out that he's  available for plastic surgery  consultation)  women
were seen hanging all over M.  Magnetic M refuses to confirm or deny the rumors
but instead offers the following statement ":)~~~" whatever that means.

8.  THIS JUST IN: A protest  was staged by Kitiara, Anarchy,  and Sprite due to
the misogynistic  and degrading  representations of women  attributed to Syntax
in this NFO file.  New iCE guy Wired  also tried to join in,  but we just think
he was trying to get some action.

9.  Another month of penguin  beating and  tribal chants  mixed into  a graphic
display of 90's mentality.  Another wonderful pack.   You just can't understand
what it's like to be iCE, unless you are.  See you next month!

Cold and Ugly           Force Ten           Mass Delusion