,d$b, Ö,._ _.,1 Ö,._ _.,ÒÒÒÒ,._ ,d$$$$P' j$$$$$L $$$$$b, j$$$$! ,d$$$8ÐýýÐ8$$$b, _.,·y `T$$$$b, j$$$$$$$L$$$$$$$$b, j$$$$$ j$$$$! !$$$$L l$$$$: `T$$$$b, j$$$$!$$$$$$$$$$$P' j$$$$! m%@S$$$$$$L l$$$$$$b:$$$$l `T$$$$$$$$$! !$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b"^j$$$$T8$$$@mm@$$$$$$T$b$$$$$ ,d$$$$$$$$!@@S$$$$$$$$ j$$$$PT$$$$j$$$$! `^""""^$$$$$ `Tl$$$$: ,d$$$$$$8ÐÐýý""^^``Ðý"^` j$$$$P, `T$$$$$$! Ö,._ l$$$$: :$$$$l `ý8$P"` ,ÖGb,.,·y@$ ,`ý8$$$Ss `*Ðý`_.,·yj$$$$$L :$$$$l Óý"^` `,ÖG$$$$8$$$$lÐý' $$$b,`ý8', $$$$$$$$$$$$L Óý"^` ,·G$$$8Ðý' $$$$$m% $$$$$$b,d!_.,Òy$$$$$$$$!$$$$L,.._ `ý$$$$$b, l$$$$T" $$$$$$$$$$$$S$$$$$$$$$!_!$$$$$$$$ _________ `ý$$$$$b,:$$$$l _.,Ò$$$$$Ðý"`j$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ !$$$$$$$$ `ý$$$$$$$$$$m$$$$$$$$$$$ `^"ýÐÐ88"ÐÐýý""^^``$$$$$ !$$$$L ,d$$$$$$$$$$$88ÐÐý"^` $$$$$yyyyyT$$$$L `T$$P'`Óý"^` $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ `' Hi. My name is sargon, and this is my story. It was a cold winter day, and being a homeless black man, I needed shelter. So, naturally, I strolled into a supermarket. That's where it got weird. As I strolled down the aisle, I saw something strange. There were about 1,000 little figures, dancing around a fire.. Once I finally made them out.. I saw some things, so horrible.. so evil.. so maniacal.. ; ; ,ù' ,' ; `, `'ùùùùùùùùù,,, ``''ù, `, ; ,,ù' ,ùùù'''''``` ,' `,;,' ; ,b, ___ ,d, ____________________ jSlP,d$$$$$b,TlSL / \ `T'jS$y*$*y$$L`T' ______| DIE WARPUS. DIE. | jlS$$8$$ý$$$L ,. | AHAHAAAHAAA HA HA HA | ,gG, `Ð$$$S@%y$8Ð' $P,Gg, \____________________/ `$$$b, ,db, `~~~`_.db, ,d$$$',Ö, `4$$$$$$$S@%@S$$$$$$$$$P' d$$$, `Ð$$$$$SSSSSSS$$$$$Ð` `4$$, <- evil elf-pig-teddy bear! !$$$SLLLLLLLSS$$! `4$, `4$$SSSSSSS$$P' `' `^"""""^` I knew I had to get away, so I ran out of the supermarket, in to the cold. I ran around the city for a while, and eventually ended up in a large warehouse. The minute I looked in, i saw the room divided in two sections. In the left section, there were a few thousand mexican women, manufacturing cocaine. On the right side, were a few hundred little boys, assembling stereos. _ _ y@SSSÖ%SSlllii, Òy% .Ö%L.!SSSSSSLLLLLllli "!L !$$$SSSSS$$$$$$ý$SSLLli !L .Ö%S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$y$$$SSLli !L .Ö%S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$8ÐýýÐ8$$$SSLl !L .Ö%S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P',¿: `4$$SSL !L.Ö%S$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'!$$ ji',gg, !$$SSL ,$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'!$$L=!$ ii `ÐÐ` j$$$$SL j$$$$$ý$$$$$$$$8$$$$$'!$$LÖ!$$L_!b,`' d$$$$$$SL :$$$$$y$$$$8ÐýýÐ8$$$$LÐ!$$L_!$$$$$$$S@%%@S$$$$$$$$$$$ !$$$$$$P' . `4$$L_!$$$$$8Ðý` !$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$8` !$$$$! :i',ee, !$$$$8Ðý` .ù': !$$$$$$$$$8Ðý` !$$$L ii,`ýý' j$$$L .ù'` ã !$$$8Ðý` stereo -> !$$$b,`ýÐ**Ðý',d$$$$$L `: ý .Ö%S$Ðý` !$$$$$S@%%@S$M¥MM$$$$L.Ö%S$Ðý` !$$$$$$$MM¥¥¥MM$$$$$8Ðý` !$M¥M$M¥¥MM$$$8Ðý` !$$M¥M$$8Ðý` `ýÐý"` I looked at a few of them, and suddenly realized they were all branded. The brand looked like this: %yÒ,._ _.,Òy% :$$$$$l _., l$$$$$: _., l$$$$$: ,gG$$$$ _ :$$$$$$$$$$L $$$$$$ ,$$$$$P'` ,ÒÒy%@S$$ $$$$$$$$$$$` :$$$$$l j$$$$$! $$$$$$$$$: l$$$$$$$$$$$b, l$$$$$: !$$$$$L Ðý"j$$$$$l :$$$$$l`4$$$$$b$$$$$$$$S@%yÒ$$$$$$b,._.,d$$$$$` $$$$$$ `4$$$$$$$ýÐ*8$$$$$$$!`Ð8$$$$$$$$$8Ð` lÐý"^` `4$$$P' `^"ýÐ `^"""^` `T' I sat there.. pondering.. KLG.. hmm.. KLG. What could that be? Killer Lesbian Goats? Kikes Love Goulash? Killing Lamers Gleefully? Then.. as if to answer the question for me... guess who showed up.. none other than.. KATHY LEE GIFFORD! She was weilding a whip. No wonder the little boys were able to stay on task. I ran out of the warehouse, and went in to a computer shop. There was Emmanuel Goldstein, editor of 2600 magazine. "Hi.. I'm Emmanuel Goldstein, the world's coolest hacker.." He was about 5 foot 4, 390 pounds. I figured a plan. I ran behind him, and waited. Still trailing me, the goblins pounced towards me. AHA! I was using Goldstein as a human shield. Not even thousands of hungry teddy bears could completely consume that hunk of flesh and flab. As they were busy devouring Emmanuel, I ran to the back of the room. I heard somebody enter.. it was some sort of Arnold Schwartzenneger looking FREAK! 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' $8888SSSSSLLLlllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilllllLLLLLLSSSSSS8888$$$$$$$$ ;$$$$$88SSSLLLLLLLlllllllllllilllllllLLLLLSSSSS8888888$$$$$$$$' j$$MMM$$$$$888888SSSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSS88888888$$$$$$$$$' $$MMMMMM$$$$$$$8888888888888888888888$SSSSSSSS8SSSSS88888888` !$$$MMMM$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$88888888SSSSSSSSSSSSùý` `4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$888888SSSSSSLLLLLS*Àý^` `"ýÐÐÐ÷÷÷8$$88$$$$$8888888888SSSSLLL÷÷ÐÐý"^` Unfortunately, Emmanuel Goldstein was dead. PS.. I'd like to make a personal apology to all readers of 2600, for having your leader killed.. :(