TALES FROM THE APARTMENT ISSUE #1

<me>In order to maintain airspeed velocity,
a swallow has to beat it's wings 43 times
BOO!per second. Right?

j00>I'm really not interested..

<me>Am I right?#$^

<pac-man ghost?>no wonder girls are scared of me. :)

TALES FROM THE APARTMENT ( intro - by rai )------------------------------------>
alright, i thought that i would right a little introduction to
what you are about to read .. this is our mascot, torgo's section in the
pak each month .. he will keep you updated on weird things that have occured
inside the creepy depths of the apartment that we live in, so read this each
and every month to keep updated on whats happening in the apartment .. this
however is not the info file, the info file will give the group information
on new members, etc, whereas this will tell you more about what its like to
live with a bunch of people that draw ansi and sit at their computers all
day .. <g> read on ..

TALES FROM THE APARTMENT ( part one -  by torgo )------------------------------>
"Torgo..   TORGO$^*@!..  TURN OFF THE LIGHT$%^&!.. "   Sigh..
Nasty apartment, I can't play Command & Conquer at 3am anymore.  Ah well,
I'll just tell you about last week.

Rai, Lago, Grendel and me were all sitting in the "big room", also
known as the "only room":)  with a good network game of Command & Conquer
going on and just as I was about to nuke lago like a bag of microwave popcorn,
when Sir Death ran in and started kicking cables for no reason at all.
Sigh.. the game stopped when my nuke was 3 feet above lago's weapons
factory..  "Ok, " Rai said, " this better be important, or i will have to
say nee to you. "

" But I have good news! "

" What is it? "

" I got on Jeporady! "

Now this came as a suprise to all of us, because we figured that they
only let smart people on that show, but then Sd told us that he cheated on
the test.  " That's nifty, but what the hell are you going to do when you're
on the show?  I mean, unless you get topics like 'Ansi', 'Thedraw', or
mabye 'Halaster', you don't stand a chance. " said splatt with his mexican
accent.  " I'm not worried, " said Sd, " Torgo is our mascot, and mascots
know everything, so I'll just ask him questions and he'll tell me answers with
this 2-way radio. "  " First off, " I said, " I don't know everything, I just
provide entertainment so that you don't all kill each other, and secondly, I
don't think that they will let you take that ninja turtle walkie talkie with
you, and I'm certianly not going to be seen with one, either. "

Eventually we crushed Sir Death's spirits like a mφφse on a bug,
and he never did get on Jeporady.  Good thing, too..  the topics were
Russian Czars, Cities in Turkey, Names of bones, Baseball players of the
1800's, and.. Halaster..   wow..
That reminds me,(actually, it dosen't, but rai wanted me to put
this here... :) )3 new people moved in since the last pack..  Smokey,
Sir Death, and Magnatop.  Magnatop is very special because he knows how
to train a moose to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms.

I'm done.

In this section's greet, i greet mindcrime because he's groovy.

TALES FROM THE APARTMENT ( part two -  by torgo )------------------------------>
One day we were all doing stuff when Rai came in with the random
month's bills.  " $231.47 for water?@#  What do you guys do? Bathe or
something#$^? "..  " $3646.45 for electricity?  ARGh..  ". .
We needed money FAST.  SO one night, I came up with an idea.  The next
morning, I presented it to them during the meal that closely resembles
breakfast.  " How about we start our own professional wrestling league?
It's easy, you just make stuff up as you go along.  I'll be the announcer. "
No one liked it, so I said NO IRC FOR ANYBODY until you agree with me.
After 5 minutes, Magnatop converted.  it took 2 weeks for rai to see it
my way.  So we all piled in the big school bus and drove down the the
community access station, and they gave us $50 to do the show.  It wasn't hard
to get the stuff we needed..  the ring was just a trampoline, and we all
looked like freaks already, so we didn't need costumes.  The fisrt show went
well..  I sat at a table ringside, with rai, and called the matches..
"And splatt..  sets up smokey into the ropes..  BAAAAACK BODYDROP..
Nicely done..  "

" Whadda talkin about, torgo!?$  Splatt's a cheater!  get up, smokey! "

" Be quiet, rai..  Listen to that crowd go wild.. "

" Whadda talkin about, torgo? they're cheering for me! "

It was pretty cool..  all the guys kinda developed they're own moves..
We named our league the Eclipse league..  Things got bigger and better.
we picked up a few bums from downtown to be wrestlers, too..  eventually, we
got on the local NBC station, WOOD, and we were on from 4pm to 4:30 every day.
We made "good guys", whom the crowd liked, and the mean, "bad guys".
We were only on the station for one month when the All Wrestling network
picked us up..  when that happened, we started traveling around the midwest
doing shows in Detroit, Chicago, Cleveland, That one city with the Indy 500
that I can't spell right..  THis is about when we dropped our handles and
made wrestler type names for ourselves..  I'll tell you what they are later.
We spent three months on the All Wrestling network, when a more famous
network, USA picked us up.  USA demanded that we change our name, though,
so we voted and(well, I decided by myself) our new name is the WWF, or
the World Wrestling Federation.  By this time, we had payed off all our
bills, gotten a phone line for everybody, and gotten a brand new
Full size Van.  It's groovy..  one of the BIG ones.. :). .  I don't have to
drive that old, junky bus anymore..  You're probably saying by now,
"Hey!  I've heard of that WWF before!  When are you guys on, and who is who? "
well, I'll tell you.  We have a live, hour long show every monday night from
9pm to 10pm, and shows about stuff in the league 10am Saturday, and
Noon on Sunday. (All of these times are Eastern, of course, so adjust
for your own time zone. )  We also have quite a few pay-per-view events,
so help support us, call the pay-per-view number and say, " I want to be a
part of the WWF! ".  Now for the who's who..

Savio Vega is really SPLATT!  We said he was from Puerto Rico because he's
an illegal immigrant from Mexcio, and we don't want the Authorities catching
on. .:)

Yokozuna is really MAGNATOP!  Yes, he really is 600 pounds. :)

Goldust is really LAGO!  No, he's NOT gay..  at least that's what he told us..

Vader is really SMOKEY!  I don't know what to say here.

The British Bullgod. .err..  Bulldog. :)..  is really GRENDEL!

Red circle is lazy, so we made him a manager..  Jim Cornett!

The Ultimate Warroir is really SIR DEATH!

My announcing partner, Jerry "The King" Loller is really RAI!

And Vince McMahon is really ME!@ TORGO@ :)

Watch us. :)

This section's greet goes to Pushead.  Groove.

TALES FROM THE APARTMENT ( the finish - by torgo )----------------------------->