It was nine o'clock on a Saturday night.
She told me she was coming over.
So I took a shower, got dressed and brushed my teeth.
My parents weren't going to be home until Sunday morning.
I was really nervous, I really liked her a lot.
So I straightened up the living room, and my bedroom too.
Everything looked immaculate.
Just then I heard a knock at the door.  Was it her?
I opened the door slowly.
It was Deceit.
He shoved me aside and pushed his way into the house.
He climbed up the stairs and sat down on the couch.
I told him to leave, but he ignored me and laughed.
So I tried to throw him out, but he was stronger than me.
So I figured I'd have to let him stay.
Deceit and I watched MTV for awhile.
Just then, the phone rang. Maybe it's her?
I answered the phone slowly.
It was Lust.
He told me he would be over in five minutes.
I started to think that this was getting out of hand.
Four minutes and thirty-eight seconds later,
Lust showed up at my door with Anger.
I never really liked Anger, he was always a jerk to me.
But I let them both in anyway.
Deceit and Anger have been good friends since tenth grade.
Lust started going through my parents' liquor cabinet.
I looked out the window, a car was pulling up in the driveway
I watched as Greed and Selfishness walked up to my door.
I let them in, promising myself that they'd be the last.
Deceit and Greed started wrecking the kitchen.
I saw Lust hanging from the chandelier in the dining room.
Anger and Selfishness were playing Twister in my bedroom.
I heard glass shatter somewhere, and I smelled smoke.
Just then, the doorbell rang.
It was her.
Everyone ran for cover.  I helped them hide.
I answered the door like a gentleman. It was 9:25
I hung up her coat and escorted her into the living room.
We watched "Sleeping With the Enemy."
I saw Selfishness dart out from behind the sofa.
She got scared at one point, and hugged me tight.
Lust came out of his hiding place and plopped down next to me
I gave him a dirty look, but he stayed where he was.
Deceit rolled out from under the coffee table.
I held her close, and stroked her soft cheek.
Greed's head popped up from behind the stereo.
She put her head on my shoulder.
I held her close and we started kissing.
Lust kept staring at me.
Selfishness lifted up my hand and put it on her breast.
She didn't resist.  So I went along with it.
Greed started whispering to me. "Go for it, man!"
I wondered where Anger had run off to.
Deceit made me tell her I loved her.
I went to punch him, but he ducked.
She must have believed it, because she told me the same thing
Lust was getting fidgety.
I took off her shirt.
Selfishness started unbuttoning her jeans.
Greed kept trying to push my hand down past her stomach.
Suddenly, she bit her lip.
She said, "stop."
Just then I realized where Anger was.
He had been hiding under the couch all this time.
He jumped up and started choking her.
Greed and Deceit went into hysterics.
Selfishness was pissed.
Lust sighed deeply, and gritted his teeth.
She looked at me with pleading eyes.
I got up and went into my room. I turned on the computer.
I heard hideous laughter coming from the living room.
"Let them have their way with her," I thought.
And people wonder why my friends are such assholes.