Santa's Slay Ride
                           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blood-red suit and black leather boots,
Jolly St. Nick dons his cap,
Climbs aboard his magic slay,
And gives that whip a crack.

They say the old man's lost his mind,
They say he's lost his head,
But two thousand years'll do that to ya,
If yer not already dead.

With an evil grin and a 'Ho! Ho! Hell!',
He tears across the sky,
A streak of fire follows in his path,
Yet onward his paindeer fly.

The sled is loaded down with toys,
And Santa's favorite kind,
They all say 'Battery Included',
He'll beat those fuckers blind.

Below there lays a sleepy town,
The evil slay descends,
And crashes through a snow-covered roof,
'Fuck this chimney shit' he says.

Over to the stockings now,
As quiet as can be,
'Two worms for Jimmy, snails for Sally,
And an ice-cold Bud for me!'

When from behind there comes a voice,
'Santa, is it you?'
'Yes, Jimmy, but hmmm... you're on the bad-boy's list'
And he tore that kid in two.

Carefully he tiptoes now,
And leaves the presents by the tree,
Slowly, gently, without a sound,
Dynamite's dangerous, you see.

Now onward to the next victims,
Er... "family", I mean,
And so the jolly man goes on,
Giving presents, getting screams.

Perhaps his childhood was a little rough,
He needs a bit of help,
Or maybe he's just a fucking nut,
Who's gonna burn in hell.

Either way -- Christmas passed,
With fewer problems than it would seem,
Although Mrs. Jones could swear she fucked Santa Claus,
But it must have been a dream.